Childhood Traumas

I am next to the oldest among seven children. I had little brothers who were two and three when I started high school, the youngest, born in 1974, came, with joy, after I graduated. I had grown up a "tomboy," A and B student, backward, quiet. I had walked a tight rope (a clothes line), had a trapeze, from a tree, and crossed the steel arch of a bridge over the top on the way home from grade school--daring--until Mom curbed my habit. No sexual history exists in my life other than a few cases on one hand and two. There were immemorable moments and a little enjoyable dating over 27 years ago. I am not involved sexually, no self-arousal and no pornographic involvement (grieved by pornography).[1] I grew up a wall flower, late bloomer (did not go to the prom), and graduated high school in 1973. I turned 54 in April and have been writing on the topic of sexuality, in part because of circumstances, at times threatening--my identity was stolen, and a porn site started using my full name. I was saved and baptized in the Holy Ghost in 1984, and have been writing on the topic as an adult, single, observing things culturally.


It had come to my attention there are rising autistic disorders. It had been cited in USA Today.[2] Reuters Health stated (2000) at McLean Hospital, Belmont, Massachusetts, Dr. Martin H. Teicher identified damage to brain function and structure in children mistreated in childhood.[3] There was increased likelihood of seizures in cases of those who had been mistreated. And it came to my attention children raping children is an increasing problem. It had been reported in California's Madera Tribune (2005) stating,

"Reports of children sexually assaulting children seem unfathomable but all over the nation, law enforcement agencies and therapists are seeing not only an increase in the number of cases but are amazed at what children today know about the subject of sex."[4]

The danger of damaging the learning ability of children, America's future citizens, by adults or other children imposing on and attacking them sexually, by molestation, sodomy or rape is great concern. So I recalled I had autistic-like characteristics. I had difficulty at the age of second grade. The teacher asked me to introduce myself to the class and found I could not speak. I had not been able to form the words at the moment. Later I learned it is a characteristic autistic children face.[5]

I was an A and B student, yet faced challenges through my high school years. When I was saved and baptized in the Holy Ghost (1984) God improved my communication ability, but prior I had difficulty at times trying to speak. I scored high for mechanical reasoning in high school aptitude tests--in the 90's--and low in math, in the 20's. It is disparity.

So hearing of rising autistic disorders, I recall I had been molested. I had been 3 or 4 (grieved) imposed on, bullied, in a non-violent incident by two boys about a foot taller. I felt nearly despairing not long ago when I looked at a photo. The oldest had been hanging over me. I realized he had been plotting what I considered to be putrid abomination.

An aunt, stooping down, demanded what he had done. And I, terrorized by that time, did not have the ability to answer. I was backward and became ill while distressed in school during elementary years. I hid under the concrete stairwell during recess, the teacher BEGGING me to come out.

So regarding molestation, the younger did not do more I recall. It seemed to be a childhood incident only. And the older attempted to handle me in 2005 saying, "Come on blondie, come on, come on, come on....." So I told him right there, and right then, that I would do no such thing. (Alarmed, I put a letter in writing asking that he keep his hands to him, being loose with himself as he was.) That had been heinous to me that he was trying to impose his "dirty mind." That had been very "inferior standards." "What had he been trying to prove?" I asked.

"What kind of man would you be, as a Church of Christ person," I thought, "to behave that way?" I did not ever see the other women or men there act that way toward a person not their spouse.

I never had anything sexually to do with him.

And thought, "Well, the judgment of God here" (Romans 13:3-4)--God cannot consider that evil as if that is standards I would have anything to do with. Surely God cannot expect, and does not expect, me to act as if that evil against my standards is the constitution I have, or that that behavior has anything to do with me. I am a strict virgin type person, doing nothing sexually at all. And there are those that are more involved in a day than I have ever been in my entire life time. I was disgusted. And I had been repelled by callousness toward me years ago--so repelled it begs for description.

So that was ludicrous to me, considering the idea against my standards. To me that was like the alcholic that would attempt to demand the rest of the Earth has to have their drinking problem, as if the rest of the Earth drinks three fifths of vodka that day. Those forcing, imposing, are violating my standards.

So regarding the idea against me sexually, it is/was grievous, extremely. That would be criminal attack to do such things (Romans 13:3-4). A relationship would be strictly by my personal governance of myself, privately speaking (the man "pleases" his wife in exousia, speaking of the wife's governance personally, not speaking in reference to any evil sexually, not requiring sodomy, but speaking of her personal governance of her arousal sexually; as there are those attempting to defraud that governance; and there are those that are not "pleasing" women sometimes, and as a former pastor warned there are those that are at times torturing women, and horror of horrors, throwing the women into catatonic states, not arousal, it is a tortured condition and abuse; I Corinthians 7:4, 33), so my governance is by my chosing, if I decide to marry. I fight disrespectful advances off. I am not involved sexually. Monogamous, I am not for evil to be done to.

So regarding the incident in question, I never appreciated him attempting to do anything to me sexually.

I have never appreciated him trying to hang all over me. I considered getting on the cell phone and calling his pastor to leave a message and have him listen in.

The attempt to extract from me the wife's responsibility is trafficking I considered.[6] And according to scripture affronts by relatives are labeled evil (Leviticus 18:6-18). That would be criminal if there were a relative that said I had anything to do with them sexually. I never did.

I am monogamous. Being single, related, I told him I would do no such thing. There was his wife.

It is trafficking if there are those attempting to impose on my professional life, that are attempting to impose by stealing my finances, or whatever. For my identity had been stolen. There are signs of stalking.

There are those that have the idea that the gospel is for those that are trying to keep their crimes secret to use to "whitewash" guilt related to the crime and they may think if they join a church that takes care of it and they do not have to go to prison and so on. That may be in part because there are those that teach error and present the idea that it is all covered and it may be error taught unwittingly, but it is error. They need to be told that the rape of a child or anyone, the murder of a child, or of anyone, or the robbing of banks and so on is not "whitewashed" by saying they became a Christian. That is the reason stories are relayed occasionally in which a person was saved and gave their life to Christ and had been convicted by the Holy Ghost and were urged by the conviction of God that they had to turn themselves in.

A real salvation means the Spirit of God takes residence and He will require God's standards of a person. If there is not conviction they are none of His (Romans 8:9).

I remember as a child being in the Church of Christ. They taught restitution. That is the reason.

There are those that attempt to steal from the women, to keep them from having finances and so on because they are planning to try to arrange their life in a hut and so forth because they are not wanting sex with their wife anymore or other reason and are deliberately trying to treat the woman like they are a plastic thing they are wanting to just have the set of sex organs of. That is grave, "sicko." Their situation God does not see as sin if someone is deliberately trying to ruin their life. Being attacked of course is not low standards on our part. The person attacked is not the one that sinned.

Attack of course is not low standards on our part.

It is possible to be attacked and so totally violated in our standards that there is brain damage. Brain damage from convulsing in attack causes memory damage. "Denial" is memory damage, brain damage, that there was such horrific imposition.[7] There are drugs used to attack women also which cause memory damage. There are women attacked that are not cognizant until pictures of that attack turn up in police sting operations. The Michigan State Police web site states,

"Many of the victims were unaware they had been assaulted until they identified themselves in photographs that had been seized by law enforcement officials."[8]

I woke up one morning with hair cut off behind my ear. In addition there were other indicators. And a porn site started using my full name.

In the Bible I recalled the story of Amnon. He attacked Tamar (II Samuel 13:14). Like others she was seeking to marry whom she would love and care for. She had colored garments that celebrated her virginity (II Samuel 13:18). And Amnon attacked, blaming her to boot (II Samuel 13:15).

Now, although Absalom had been labeled a bad guy, more than likely he had been the more sane, for he instituted capital punishment (II Samuel 13:32). He had Amnon killed.

I pondered what God might have thought of Absalom. For he followed the basic principle of Leviticus 18:6-18 and Exodus 21:14.

God in cases approved capital punishment (Exodus 21:14). He brings judgment (Romans 13:3-4). There are cases in the Old and New Testament (Genesis 19:11, I Corinthians 5:5, Acts 13:10-11, 12:23, I Timothy 1:20; Acts 8:20-24; Daniel 4:33, 5:4-5, 23-28, Acts 9:4-5, 8, 5:3, 5, 10, Luke 17:29-30, 18:7, I John 2:28, 3:3, Revelation 2:5, 6:10). He had labeled what occurred against Tamar in Leviticus 18:6-18. I pondered what God might have thought of Absalom. For he followed the basic principle of Leviticus 18:6-18 and Exodus 21:14. Absalom did him in (II Samuel 13:22,28).

God judged too the acts of Sodom, in Genesis, for example (Genesis 19:4-5, Ezekiel 16:49, Romans 1:26-27). There He used fire and brimstone (Genesis 19:24). And they were attempting things similar to that which Amnon had done (II Samuel 13:14). A mob in Genesis 19 attempted to attack angels that had come to warn of impending judgment (Genesis 19:4-5). They attempted to break in the door (Genesis 19:9).

God judged with fire, and brimstone, a rare occurrence, but Jesus mentioned it as characteristic of conditions and the judgments that would occur at His coming (Genesis 19:24, Luke 17:29-30). God does not require submission to evil (Romans 13:3-4).

At the time of the affront in 2005 my head had been jerked, hands over my eyes, jerking back, as had occurred before. And I was injured. Due to injuries there is a quarter of an inch to a half an inch space between my upper and lower teeth (in the rear). I need surgery. The jerks to my head that are abuse and bullying causing injury is not TMJ.

In the incident early in life there had been scheming by older yet bigger boys I did not know, pointing me out, saying they were going to do something to me with a narrow olive bottle. I did not know what that would mean. I had done nothing wrong. I was a lot smaller and could not speak well.

They said they needed to get me away from my mother, needed to make sure adults did not find out. I was frightened.

Growing up I had told my mother I would stay home. I was pinned on the sofa by different people. Later my breasts were grabbed. That is gross sexual imposition.[9] In the childhood incident adults were reacting. I had been bullied, cornered, by the foot taller, bigger, children.


There were other traumatizing things that happened in my life. I was hit in the eye with a baseball bat in my junior high years. I "number 2'd" in my pants in second grade--in class (a teacher would not call on me to let me go to the bathroom and ignored my hand when I raised it for the pass). Mom marched to the school pants in hand. And there had been a grass fire as a toddler. It stopped at a narrow dirt lane.

Great traumas inhibit not only developmental ability but also memory, and growth. So attacked children are incapacitated by assaults committed against them, horrified. It is not cooperation. It is damage, neurologically, evidenced by research.[10] They are not able to function. And they are hindered in their memory ability--as in the case of traumatic stress disorder. Are attacks, sodomizing, raping or otherwise violating children, causing increasing autistic-like conditions?

In light of statistics I am concerned.


[1] I am grieved also by seeing those stealing, cussing, and really repelled at those that are trying to get done to me their ideas, and I don't agree. I never crave jewelry, I don't see it as a sin really. But I do not have that focus toward jewelry. Similarly, I never crave a mall, or shopping for things, though I do go shopping. I prefer natural things. I prefer a few used things at times because they are laundered, fresher. I try to avoid chemicals against my skin. I am fair. I have had poisoning by the sun, my eyes, swelling shut. I get sun poisoning, and guard my skin carefully. Also I am grieved by the toxic dyes plus the artificial ingredients that are in foods. I avoid them. I did not ever smoke cigarettes. There had been a man that attempted to get me to smoke marijuana. I passed. I never eat pork after I learned they are scavengers that eat rodents that carry parasites. I live as a strict holiness person, best I can. I never appreciated attempts where there had been those seeking ideas like sodomy. And I shared with a woman that is a little older that I will not be married if that is all there is among men. Anal sex, that is attack as far as I am concerned. I never would want anything to do with it, and never any sodomite ideas. I had talked a particular day about bawling and crying. Bawling is about crying, like a baby cries. I heard it said there is danger for the young women living holy in that they are being misinterpreted when the pornographic minded that are deviant-minded are near them. There are depraved, pornographic minded that are deviants mangling their organs. Cited by CNN, regarding a particular case, "sexually assaulting his 8-year-old stepdaughter in her bed. In addition to severe emotional trauma, the attack caused internal injuries and bleeding to the child, requiring extensive surgery;" Bill Mears, "High court split over execution of child rapists," CNN.com; http://www.cnn.com/2008/CRIME/04/16/scotus.execution/; Internet; accessed 10 May 2008. Consequently they are ending in the death penalty possibly in cases; "Court weighs death for child rapists: Is execution appropriate or cruel and unusual punishment?" MSNBC, available from http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24155465/; Internet; accessed 5 May 2008. Those that are sexual addicts are like alcoholics that think everybody is not able to control their drinking. That is not the case.
[2] Anita Manning, "Autism disorders affecting 1 in 150," USA Today (8 February 2007); available from http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2007-02-08-autism_x.htm; Internet: accessed 29 August 2007.
[3] E. Patten-Hitt, "Childhood Abuse Changes the Developing Brain," Yahoo! News (29 December 2000); available from http://www.nospank.net/teicher.htm; Internet; accessed 29 August 2007.
[4] "Secret is out about children raping children," Madera Tribune (12 February 2005); available from http://maderatribune.com/news/newsview.asp?c=144450; Internet; accessed 29 August 2007.
[5] Alan Sohn and Cathy Grayson, Parenting Your Asperger Child: Individualized Solutions for Teaching Your Child Practical Skills (New York: Penguin Group, 2005), 3.
[6] "A Regional Comparative Legal Analysis of Sex Trafficking and Sex Tourism," The Protection Project; available from http://www.protectionproject.org/commentary/st.htm; Internet; accessed 30 April 2008.
[7] J. Douglas Bremner, M.D., "The Invisible Epidemic: Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Memory and the Brain," the Doctor will see you now; available from http://www.thedoctorwillseeyounow.com/articles/behavior/ptsd_4/; Internet; accessed 2 May 2008.
[8] "Rape Drug Awareness," Michigan State Police; available from http://www.michigan.gov/msp/0%2C1607%2C7-123-1589_4580---%2C00.html; Internet; accessed 2 May 2008. Abomination of anal sex, sodomite attack, is damaging, evil, a stabbing, to the colon. Abomination, sodomite attack, left damage, agony when going to the bathroom for decades in my personal case, had caused a seizure possibly, due to convulsing against the terrible agony and imposition, that caused such agonizing damage to my internal organs, and apparently caused memory damage, but left evidence, or there were drugs imposed to incapacitate me, to force a drugged attack. That is evil I never had anything to do with. And never should any advocate that there is obligation to cooperate with the abomination. There had been a woman, a church associate, that advocated that if a husband wanted the behavior that I would be obligated. That I see as a very heretical idea. That individual, or any, cannot say they do not want to participate in that behavior themselves, but then turn and attempt to assign that behavior to myself because someone said, or might have said, they would like to do that to me. God never demands agreement with evil He already labeled abomination (Romans 1:26, 13:3-4). Cults force sex or other behaviors, attempting to obligate the women in some manner in regards to sex as had occurred among Mormons; "Officials say bed in polygamist compound used for child sex," Yahoo News; available from http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20080410/ts_alt_afp/usrightspolygamysectchildrensex_080410112054; Internet; accessed 5 May 2008. Also note, "Court weighs death for child rapists: Is execution appropriate or cruel and unusual punishment?" MSNBC, available from http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24155465/; Internet; accessed 5 May 2008. Forced sex, forced dating, forced relationships, and so forth are trafficking; "a. forced marriages; b. arranged marriages; c. early marriages; d. temporary marriages; e. marriage by catalogue or mail-order bride f. marriage for the purpose of child bearing;" "A Regional Comparative Legal Analysis of Sex Trafficking and Sex Tourism," The Protection Project. Respectable dating is a request if a lady is interested. And there is no demand in scripture that charges not be filed against forced sex. In addition to the threat there are women that have attacked myself personally, due to my hair, naturally blond. There has been little relief. I look forward to having my appearance restored by healing or maxillofacial surgery, for trauma (not TMJ), appearing on x-rays.
[9] "Sexual Assault," Ohio University; available from http://www.ohio.edu/hudson/shs/sa.cfm; Internet; accessed 27 November 2007; "Ohio Personal Injury Lawyer - Assault," Robert W. Kerpsack Co., L.P.A.; available from http://www.rwklaw.com/assault.shtml; Internet; accessed 11 January 2008. Gross sexual imposition, by the Ohio University web site is defined as, "being touched on/in the thigh, genitals, buttocks, pubic region or breasts when force or threat of force was used or the victim's ability to defend was impaired by drugs or alcohol or mental condition." Sexual imposition is defined as, "being touched when the touching is offensive to the victim or when the victim's abilities are impaired." Regarding assault, by Kerpsack Co., it is defined as, "intentional act or threat which instills fear of imminent physical harm," but does not always involve touch. No touching need take place for assault to occur. "If the threat actually becomes a reality in which an individual is non-consensually touched by an object or person, the assault becomes a battery." Scripturally there is no submission to evil required (Romans 13:3-4). There are those that advocate sodomy as required as submission. God never requires submission to evil which He already condemns (Romans 1:26). Sodomy is defined by Webster's Dictionary as, "anal or oral copulation with a member of the same or opposite sex; also: copulation with an animal." That kind of attack is the abomination of sodomites (Genesis 19:4-5, Romans 1:26). A mob at Sodom attempted to break in the door and assault angels (Genesis 19:9). God determined the damage by sodomites necessitated the death penalty (Genesis 19:13, 15). Forced upon, having organs ripped to shreds is of course not lose of virginity. The one being damaged did not give themselves. That is not lose of virginity. That is not arousal. The attacker had not been "scoring." Damage to internal organs, causing perforations, a kind of stabbing injury, damages vital organs causing hemorrhaging, catatonic states, convulsions, death, or grave injury. The contents by hemorrhaging spilled out are not aroused response. Convulsing is not orgasmic. It results from sickened response, against the abomination, being imposed on, and from puncture of internal organs. Part of the evil of the sodomite is their attempt to demand they are attractive, sexual attack, then labeling hemorrhaging as aroused response. Jesus cited that the characteristics that resulted in that judgment at Sodom will be evident at the judgment at His second coming (Luke 17:29-30). Fire and brimstone is a rare occurrence in scripture yet cited as characteristic of judgment at Sodom and at the time of the judgment cited in Revelation (9:18, 20-21).
[10] E. Patten-Hitt, "Childhood Abuse Changes the Developing Brain." It should be noted that there are those that attempt to assign blame to the attacked individual as if structural or neurological damage from being attacked is their fault, caused by something they did wrong. That is like blaming someone hit in the head with a baseball bat for that damage, neurological or structural. That is not sound logic.